KUALA LUMPUR – A school in Jalan Mana was among 16 schools in the city ordered to close by local authorities today after students were discovered engaging in intelligent conversation in the canteen. The spot check was conducted by the Kuala Lumpur Board of Development of Society (BoDoS) after it detected abnormally high concentration of progressive-mindedness from the premises.

Its director, Tan Sri Dato’ Sri Professor Dr. Et Cetera, said besides the closure order, offending students were also required to memorise local mainstream newspaper articles everyday for one year as corrective treatment to realign them with standards on appropriate civic behaviour. Repeat offenders, she warned, would be sentenced to the additional penalty of partaking in social media discussions on Malaysian politics.

“The students have clearly failed to appreciate the detrimental widespread health effects their ignorance can impose on society. Overexposure to intelligent conversation and serious reading materials can cause contagion of severe mental disorientation, deranged speechmaking, and worse, far-sightedness,” Tan Sri Dato’ Sri Professor Dr. Et Cetera pointed out.

“Our team also found a barrel of smuggled books with mature content, such as history,” she told reporters at the end of the operation. “Judging from the creases in the spines and pen markings, these books appear to have been read.”

Tan Sri Dato’ Sri Professor Dr. Et Cetera said 77 enforcement officers from BoDoS, as well as the police, were involved in the spot check on over 70 schools. She said the checks on the premises were conducted under the Insecurity Act 2013 and Public Sedation Act 2020.

She advised the public to lodge complaints to the state BoDoS departments if they found schools which did not comply.

“All members of the public are responsible to ensure that these issues are arrested,” she added. “We do not want the world to think that Malaysia is an insecure country.”

Read More Actual : http://www.nst.com.my/news/2016/03/135754/16-filthy-food-premises-kl-ordered-close

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This post was written as part of a series of writing assignments for the Unrepresented KL workshop. It is a dystopian take on Kuala Lumpur and is as far-fetched as any fiction can possibly be, and absolutely without any basis in reality whatsoever. At all. I mean, literally. None.

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