Today I come home from work, weary, bitter, in pain, feeling as if the weight of the stifling heat and gloomy haze rested upon my shoulders. Are some people just naturally predisposed to be moody? At times like these I feel completely undeserving of life; family, friends, work, singing. Even if work has tired me out – why the negativity?

Do I like my work? Yes. It makes a difference, and quite directly too – I don’t need to weave my way through 5 layers of deductive reasoning to justify how my work is for the greater good for society. And so at the most superficial level of noble Gen Y aspirations, it is gratifying and luxurious. I also learn so very much about how the world works behind the scenes (central banking is, after all, the ultimate back-office role in the financial services industry) from angles I never knew existed, through the hours of pleasurable reading and research and interesting (albeit lacking, but welcome to developing countries) discussions. And best of all, there is room for so much change! To think that I’m in the position to contribute to affecting this change – and if I look closely – to affect this change myself, because change is not always about the big and visible things! Change doesnt have to be a glamorous announcement in the papers; change can be in writing, in what you say via phone conversations and meetings, in what you signal in collecting information from other people. There, now that’s about as specific as I can get without revealing too much.

Do I like and respect my colleagues? Yes – the ones that matter and that I see everyday, I daresay I do. I can safely say that in every one of them I can name at least a couple of things about them which endear them to me, or that I admire and respect. Warmth. Honesty. Intelligence. Humility. Genuine intentions to make the world a better place. Selflessness. Screeching laughter. Passion. The ability to not take themselves so seriously. Etc. the list is long but my thumbs are tired, thank you very much.

So there. I’ve dissected two of the most important questions. Money is another consideration of course, but when a girl has a roof over her head and a bed to sleep in, the luxury of not having to finish all the food on her plate, a car to drive, pretty dresses, a satisfactory phone and can pay her choir fees, and the ability to finish this list with a dot dot dot…there’s not much point in overthinking these things.

Maybe it’s generally because I’ve been deeply absorbed in the Anne of Green Gables series for the past fortnight… And what a joy it is to be lost in the wonderful characters and their love and life stories and landscapes, but what a downer it is to lift my eyes from my book and realise I am only Hui Lin, stuck in a city I feel absolutely no love for, but fettered by obligations and responsibility. Oh, how I long to escape. How I wish I was someone else. How unthankful I am.