A scratched keyboard. Stage fright. Feeling like an absolute fool. Feeling like a complete fail. Two whole days of not working on my essays.

Did I have a good time?

Nope.

Did I do well?

Nope.

Do I even want to look at the videos?

Nope.

Did I leave feeling like I want to do it again?

A great big fat nope.

What a waste of time. I feel so unbelievably sad about this, I don’t even know how to begin to feel better.

Worse, with this being the last pre-finals event of the year, I can’t help but reflect on the fact that I regret letting myself be consumed by a year of working my ass off. Sure, we set a new direction, we achieved lots of things, we set benchmarks and milestones and what not, but what for? I feel like with this outcome things are going to go to waste.

I told someone it’s easy to make a difference. But I forgot the sucky feeling that follows when you kind of know the difference you made isn’t permanent at all.

Maybe I’m being overly pessimistic. But that I suppose is forgiveable considering how a personal favourite event of mine ended with me fucking freezing onstage like a fool.

Okay perhaps I need to sum this up like this:

One. Wasted. Year.

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