Today I sat in a room full of balloons and prints. People were generally happy, and relaxed, having easy conversations over some vigorous balloon pumping, popping, tossing. A casual observer would say, oh, a roomful of good friends, living the best time of their lives, growing and learning and becoming better people. Competent people. Adults. Cue the happy clappy soundtrack in, we could almost make a video recording out of this atmosphere of youth and camaraderie.

But then, looking around at the myriad of faces of people, some of whom I know so well, some of whom I don’t really, I felt a bit appalled, I have to say, at all the hidden imperfections. Selfishness. Insecurity. Tragedy. Desperation. Pressure. Vulnerability. Insensitivity. Naivete. Intolerance. This includes myself, of course.

I know “appalled” is a harsh and judgmental word. Which is why I’m knocking myself on the head a bit for being such a self-righteous bitch about this. But haven’t you ever had moments where you felt like you’ve have had enough of people? Moments where you look a person in the face, recall his or her faults, and think “Sometimes I wish you would just fucking grow up.”

Alright, not a very nice thing to say there. But everyone is judgmental. No matter how well you cover it with justifications, and cheesy lines expressing love and noble perceptions, everyone is a judgmental bitch somewhere deep in there. You only have to look. And realise it when these tendencies bubble to the surface on especially bad days.

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