Today I had an epiphany about my life.

I won’t tell you what it is but a consequence was the sudden realisation that recently, especially towards the end of term, my life has become very frivolous and disgusting void of any shred of meaning.

The start of holidays is always a killjoy. The first few days are fine because you happily float along under the impression that time is aplenty. And then after a few days you realise oh shit you have to leave  campus in a few days and you just lost precious days doing nothing and waking up at odd hours when you could have been tending to a lot of things you have yet to settle or doing something that actually makes a difference.

Like reading the book I’ve been wanting to read for ages. The Colour Purple.

Like planning a proper birthday gift for my boyfriend.

Or like, finishing my postcard-writing.

Or catching up on world news.

It doesn’t sound like much, is it? But it actually is. If I’ve done all that I’d be feeling a whole lot better about myself. I don’t really know how to explain this but I think what makes a good life are the little things, you know? Like doing something to make people happy, or to learn something new even if it’s only about yourself.

So I decided to make a list of what’s coming for me to make myself feel better. You know just so I can sort convince myself life isn’t the hollow little shell it seems to be right now.

1. Charity Night performance x 2 -yet to practise.

2. Singapore Seniors’ Farewell performance x 3 -yet to plan one. oh crap.

3. ‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore vocal ensemble

4. London

5. Dorset

6. Scotland

7. Blackpool

8. Practices for #1 and #2 at the end of Easter

9. Exams

10. Loads of studying

11. Upcoming holiday with parents and bro

12. Cornwall tour with the chamber choir in summer

To-do list:

1. Read the Colour Purple

2. Read Travels in the Scriptorium

3. Regain my intellect

4. Catch up with all my modules oh fuck.

5. Send out postcards

6. Practise guitar and master a song by the end of Easter

Actually I don’t feel any better so I shall just stop here and go collect my laundry and then start on #1