I give up too easily. Of course why go on if you don’t like it is a perfectly valid reason. I mean, not like it’s got any permanent implications.

But still I feel really bad, especially after I actually did mention that I’m coming back the next day to complete the stuff.

I can’t cope. I’ve got so many things I want to do now, really (I realise that after I’m finally forced to stop slacking)…plus in May I’ll be going off for two months, and seriously, much as I claim my parents return from work at 3+ pm at least everyday, anyway, it’s going to make a huge difference if I come home at about 6 for the whole of April and go straight to the computer and do whatever I need to do. And I don’t want leave it at that. I’ve got much to repair between me and my mom–unsaid apologies. Proud habits to break. Tempers to tame and rein in. Affections to rekindle and express. So I swear by August I will be spouting ‘sorry’ so easily and naturally that it’ll be almost like a muscular spasm.

And the imaginary interviews, of course. I need to feel I actually deserve all this. If the self-blame will hit harder later on. Fine, I always find new places within my person to blame, anyway. I feel deserving of my good news yesterday, because I made what I can really call some effort. And I think, it feels so much better, you know? So much more satisfying than, “Oh, I got through ASEAN without an interview because they had no time in my year because SPM ended late”. There, now you have it. The story of how I made it to RJ. Not exactly the most self-pleasing personal anecdote to recount.

I need to actually make use of that probationary license.

I need to finish that bloody book. Books.

I need to complete my cooking and baking adventures.

I need to…I don’t know. Feel an attachment to my home, and not just my room, and my bed, and me.

Work is fine…auditing is boring, but alright. Something I can do, and something I probably don’t want to have to do for the rest of my life, but yes, it’s not too bad for a temporary stint. But I think that truly, these four weeks at home will deliver so much more than that place, what with circumstances now.

It’s alright ):

Although I feel like a coward, because I thought I would have forced myself to just deal with it– and bad because, I think I really am exaggerating things in my mind, and I should be judging people with a pinch of salt– it’s alright.

I will make it up to myself.


On a cheerier note.

I want these things, they’re so adorable.

But I was thinking. Why not the just bite the bloody thing yourself. Even if you wanted to use them as a Christmas joke…

…Just use one of those other cookie cutters with wavy edges. I mean really! To pay SGD 16 for this stuff!
Okay if they were right in front of me I would have gotten them anyway. Hmm.

So cute. But hopefully I won’t be here for Christmas…and will be shopping for 2-for-1 offer log cakes at Warwick’s Costcutter instead (: Okay, not so pathetic la.

But I would rather that than. You know. Staying.

Gosh see it just takes ONE day for me to go back to my whinygrimy self.